by Karen Telleen-Lawton, Noozhawk Columnist (read the original in Noozhawk by clicking here)
Santa Barbarans may not pack as much heat as the average Joe, but most of us pack groceries.
Ever since we figured out the whole routine of stocking cloth bags, storing them in the trunk, remembering to bring them into the grocery store, and returning them to the trunk after unloading groceries, we’ve really taken ownership of the whole packing process.
Trouble is, now that we’ve taken ownership, we have an opinion about everything. Professional baggers may have preferred it when they could pack in peace without regard to our unique and quirky sorting preferences.
A while back, I was in line behind a shopper who asked that her groceries be resorted according to some methodology I’ve since forgotten. The checker gamely started over, and the shopper was happily on her way.
Ever since then, I’ve been asking the friendly check-out folks about shoppers’ sorting preferences.
“Oh, don’t get me started!” is a typical first response. But then they get started.
Some want each bag evenly weighted, and others prefer all the heavy items together. This may correspond generally to sorting by fragility, which is another popular sorting style.
One checker recalled more than one customer who wanted their groceries sorted by color. This same checker’s most unique request was from someone who wanted her to bag his items alphabetically. “I decided to beg off that one,” she recalled.
I imagine it would have been a no-win situation if she’d tried to comply. How do you alphabetize the tubular processed meat products popular at baseball games: hot dogs? Wieners? Frankfurters?
One shopper brought up six or seven large bunches of bananas to buy. She requested that each of the 30 or 40 bananas be separated and rung up for 19 cents each, instead of the bunch price.
Another checker confided that bagging eggs is scrambled with controversy. In bagger school they learn that egg cartons are designed to be stood up on their sides to provide structure to the rest of the bag. But some shoppers want eggs flat on the bottom, since they’re heavy, or on the top, since they’re fragile.
I have subscribed to the eggs-on-the-side theory since that day, though I’m a little leery of the carton coming open. I also like cold items packed together, especially if it’s a hot day and I’m not going home directly.
Wikihow warns, “Bacteria can reach dangerous levels in just two hours at room temperature. Consider using a cooler with ice packs if you must leave groceries in cars for over an hour.”
Then there are the germaphobes. One customer admonished his checker for touching the tops of a six-pack as she loaded it. “But how do you think they got onto the shelf in the first place?” she asked me with a laugh.
Some shoppers won’t put groceries in the baby seat part of a shopping card because germy little bottoms have been there. Hmmm, got to admit I hadn’t thought of that.
The internet has all the answers, of course. The Order Expert insists: “The golden rule of grocery bag packing is heavy items on the bottom, lighter items on top. … You can expand this golden rule into layers, by providing sturdy vertical structures throughout the bag.”
Among the suggestions we haven’t touched on are a few other safety-oriented ones. Separate raw meat from produce and separate chemical products from food, in case of leakage. Place glass and other breakable items in the middle.
That covers just about everything except the most obvious: Keep the dark chocolate on the top, in case you get the nibbles. Or bury it on the bottom, for the same reason.
Karen Telleen-Lawton, Noozhawk Columnist
Karen Telleen-Lawton is an eco-writer, sharing information and insights about economics and ecology, finances and the environment. Having recently retired from financial planning and advising, she spends more time exploring the outdoors — and reading and writing about it. The opinions expressed are her own.