by Karen Telleen-Lawton, Noozhawk Columnist, Read the original column at Noozhawk.com
What does a tasty bowl of split-pea soup have to do with a 50th high school reunion in Chicago?
We returned home last week on a night flight. Our touchdown was unexpectedly late because a child had vomited in the aisle during the boarding process, necessitating first a clean-up crew and finally a return to the gate when the family decided they should bail.
Returning home from the airport, we were too tired to stop for groceries. In the morning we dove into laundry, gardening and email.
Neither of us wanted to go to the market, and our refrigerator and pantry weren’t entirely bare. After I assembled a sumptuous mystery smoothie, a confluence of available ingredients buoyed me to make pea soup.
I boiled a pork hock from the freezer, added dried split peas and onions from the pantry, and incorporated serviceable celery and green cabbage from the fridge. Lots of pepper, some salt, and a sprig of garden rosemary completed the soup.
The meal’s success bestowed on me one of those magic moments, when an ordinary event is infused with meaning beyond its simplicity. In this case I felt like I did exactly what I wanted to do — stay home and make do. And it turned out well.
The reunion, my husband’s 50th, was similarly infused with ordinary moments rendered special. As a reunion spouse, I listened dispassionately to the conversations recounting the half century since their communal suburban Chicago upbringing.
I was curious about how people of relatively similar backgrounds made very different decisions and sought meaning as their distinct lives unfolded.
Listening to their stories reminded me of four “givens of existence” that some therapists consider to be the underlying concerns that people hold throughout their lives.
First defined by I.D. Yalom in 1980, the issues are the freedom to make our lives as we wish; isolation; meaninglessness; and the inevitability of death. I didn’t hear these addressed overtly, but they underlay much of the storytelling at the reunion.
For the most part, classmates took pride in and responsibility for how the decades transpired. They spoke as the change agents in their lives. In what they shared, they seem to have recognized freedom to make their lives as they wished.
In contrast to earlier reunions, the overwhelming majority of classmates attended singly. Death and divorce have taken their toll; most of the rest came alone as well. Perhaps the choice was simply to have fun with old friends. It may have represented an implicit acknowledgement of the inescapable truth that we walk this life alone.
In a brief program before the Saturday evening meal, organizers reverently read a list of classmates who had passed. The solemnity of the recitation, representing about 15 percent of the class, spoke to the inevitability of death.
At our ages we all have dealt with the deaths of parents, siblings or friends. Those who still have living parents are typically dealing with end-of-life issues. As I wandered, I heard many such conversations among classmates who intensely empathized despite decades apart.
On a school tour led by the vice principal, we all admired the current breadth of academic and extracurricular offerings. Bulletin boards showcased everything from investment and debate clubs to SOAR (Students Organized Against Racism), juggling, paranormal, SAGA (Sexuality and Gender Alliance), and knitting.
ESL classes support students speaking 27 different languages. Discovering the plentiful athletic opportunities for girls was bittersweet, recalling the desert of organized female sports before Title IX.
The reunion committee orchestrated two meaningful events for attendees. They gathered generous donations for a Living Wall planned for campus: a horticulture habitat that will bring in nature throughout the year. In addition, many of the attendees met for a service project, assembling more than 14,000 staple meals to be shipped to Central America.
It would be presumptuous to assess whether the Class of ’73 finds life meaningful. However, as a group they seem to understand their fortuity in having had the freedom to make their own choices. They have faced the deaths of loved ones and are making peace with their ultimate aloneness.
Moreover, their gifts help extend their good fortune to a more diverse group of current students. They are wholly supportive as the school gathers the available ingredients — students of many races, languages and cultures — and nurtures graduates eager to create their own magic moments.
Karen Telleen-Lawton, Noozhawk Columnist
Karen Telleen-Lawton is an eco-writer, sharing information and insights about economics and ecology, finances and the environment. Having recently retired from financial planning and advising, she spends more time exploring the outdoors — and reading and writing about it. The opinions expressed are her own.