by Karen Telleen-Lawton, Noozhawk Columnist (read the original in Noozhawk by clicking here)
Mature sex is a taboo fascination that emerges early. I remember chauffeuring one of my two kids and his friends on a school field trip decades ago. The first-graders were whispering and giggling in the back seat when my son’s whisper rose among the rest, “ … and my parents did it twice!”
The cinematic world treats senior sex like a horror scene. My husband and I recently watched “CODA,” a coming-of-age story released on Apple TV. The story line focuses on a teenager who is the only hearing member of her family.
In one vignette she brings a friend home to do homework, where they encounter the sounds of her parents making love. The parents are oblivious to the noise they are making. Gross, gross, gross is the message imparted to the viewer.
“It’s a myth that as we age we become less sexual,” asserts Beverly K. Johnson, a Seattle University lecturer in the College of Nursing. “Studies show that we continue a range of sexual activities into older age.”
Numbers-wise, research indicates most couples enjoy intimacy throughout their lives. Consumer Health reports a near majority of adults over age 60 convey having sex at least once per month; that same percentage would like it more frequently. The study also found that partners tend to find their mates more physically attractive over time. Surely an endorsement for rose-colored glasses.
A study based on a 2017 University of Michigan poll working with the National Poll on Healthy Aging found that 40 percent of men and women ages 65-80 continue to be sexually active.
There is somewhat of a disconnect between the sexes: one poll found only 31% of women were sexually active as compared with 51 percent of men. Or maybe one gender has a better memory than the other. Nonetheless, women were more likely than men to be extremely or very satisfied with their sex lives.
Varied findings demonstrate the difficulty of acquiring accurate information on a delicate subject. Still, they help paint a fuller picture of the care and feeding of healthy older adults.
“Sexual health among older adults doesn’t get much attention but is linked closely to quality of life, health and well-being,” said Erica Solway, co-associate director of the University of Michigan poll. “It’s important for older adults and the clinicians who care for them to talk about these issues and about how age-related changes in physical health, relationships, lifestyles and responsibilities such as caregiving affect them.”
One of the issues health care advisors are particularly concerned about is skyrocketing cases of sexually transmitted disease among elders. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) tracked increases of 86% to 164% for Chlamydia, syphilis and gonorrhea between 2014 and 2018. Bottom line, it’s important to practice safe sex, just as you preached to your kids half a century ago.
Beyond that, don’t watch spoilsport flix like “CODA” or “Shmigadoon.” Instead, take tips from films that deal with our age group realistically and humorously. I particularly enjoyed “Book Club,” the story of four friends who decide to read the infamous “50 Shades of Grey” and net a few ideas of their own.
Another upper is “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel,” where independent American seniors choose to retire inexpensively in a luxury hotel in India.
With stars like Diane Keaton, Judi Dench and Maggie Smith, you know you’re in for laughs and poignant truths. These “elder” romantic comedies may be exaggerated a bit for cinematic effect. Yet they give viewers a peek into the breadth of emotion in seniors, as well as something to aspire to.
Karen Telleen-Lawton, Noozhawk Columnist
Karen Telleen-Lawton is an eco-writer, sharing information and insights about economics and ecology, finances and the environment. Having recently retired from financial planning and advising, she spends more time exploring the outdoors — and reading and writing about it. The opinions expressed are her own.