by Karen Telleen-Lawton, Noozhawk Columnist, Read the original column at Noozhawk.com
My Valentine, whose birthday is on Valentine’s Day, comes from self-proclaimed Good Midwestern Stock. After nearly 45 years of marriage, I still am unclear on what that means.
We’ve traveled to every state in the union and find people in each state who are curious, thoughtful, and partial to their own states and regions. Perhaps Midwesterners are defensive about silly media labels like the Heartland (election years) and the Flyover states (all other years).
Nevertheless, as a fourth-generation Californian, I do recognize a few differences between my Valentine and the friends and family I grew up with. Some may not be attributable to his Midwestern genes, but rather to his own unique qualities.
Briefs versus boxers is a good place to begin. In the West, dads, grads and every male in between wear boxer shorts. Whitey-tighteys were not in vogue, shall we say. In my maturity, I have come to accept that he should wear what he’s comfortable in, but it took me a couple decades to stop trying to convert him.
I was able to wean him off calling people “sir” and “m’am” except in military situations. It only counts as a sign of respect, I reasoned, if people feel respected by it. On our coast it comes out sounding more like sarcasm.
An interesting regional difference cropped up when our daughter was learning to drive. Californians learn never to drive wearing sandals or flip-flops, for fear of the pedal getting stuck between the foot and the shoe sole. This means teenagers and plenty of adults just kick off their sandals and drive barefoot much of the year.
Midwesterners can’t even imagine driving without shoes.
My husband loves wearing bow ties. I don’t know if this is a Midwestern trait or passed down from father to son. Our favorite college engineering professor wore bow ties, and even gave one to my husband, which may have been the start of his fashion statement.
It usually takes him several tries to get the bow tie snug and straight. One time, though, he got it right on the first try. It was our daughter’s wedding day. A good omen.
David is a dedicated optimist – is this Midwestern? Mostly it works out great – he sees the bright side of situations, no matter how dismal. He can imagine nothing more exciting than waking up in his own skin one more day. I guess now that we’re seniors, that can be genuinely exciting.
Not long ago, he woke up and exclaimed, “Yesterday was a great day! I accomplished all my goals!” He started enumerating them on his fingers as we dawdled in bed.
“I counseled several students – hmm, actually, I guess most of them cancelled, but I did set aside the time. I didn’t snack – well, maybe I did have a little ice cream before bed. I got off my screens at 8:00 – except for watching ‘Survivor.’ But I did get to bed on time!”
How’s that for selective memory?
A close friend of mine is also a Californian who married Mid-Western engineer. We like to tick off our other similarities:
Each of us also has a married daughter with three kids and a partnered son with no kids. Her husband is a bit of a pack rat, as mine tends to be if he’s not channeled. But my friend has never complained to me about a particular habit which gives me pause about my life mate.
My husband likes to whistle. That’s not the problem; I like to whistle, too. Lately though, when he whistles, he punctuates the tune with releasing intestinal gas. Imagine whistling James Taylor’s “I feel the earth <fart> move <fart> under my feet …”
I started to deliver a rebuke for this most distasteful of male habits, but it was all so pathetic I started laughing instead. Uncontrollably. When I finally caught my breath, I had one question for him. “If you die first, can I talk about this at your memorial?” I said.
He thought a moment and then acquiesced, “Yes, but only if you use it in the humor section, not as one of my accomplishments.”
Karen Telleen-Lawton, Noozhawk Columnist
Karen Telleen-Lawton is an eco-writer, sharing information and insights about economics and ecology, finances and the environment. Having recently retired from financial planning and advising, she spends more time exploring the outdoors — and reading and writing about it. The opinions expressed are her own.